The Mall of America

So check it out. I had to take Deanna into the city last night. You need to know that all the stuff I spew about coming back because of my kid crying, my love of the game, the camaraderie, blah blah blah - it's all bullshit. Total and complete bullshit. Don't tell Bradshaw, k?

It's all Deanna. It's ALWAYS been Deanna. I kinda owe her.

The indiscretions, the vicodin, the college binges, the road trips, the back room at a bar named "O'Danny's," - I could go on, but you pretty much get the gist.

Athletes are given special treatment. Period. We get into clubs first. We get sponsorship deals. (speaking of which, Wranglers kinda irritate my ballsack - shhh!) We get scouted out of college, where we're kings of the campus. Agents visit us, and shower us with everything. Cash, cars, women, booze - you name it. We get it. Then we're drafted, and we're shuttled to our new town. We're treated like kings there too. It's tough on you. (Ya right!)

If you have success, you're glorified more. If you bring a franchise back from extinction, and win a Super Bowl - hell, you're canonized. With all of the accolades, comes even more cash.

Oh yeah - I forgot. Deanna.

Deanna loves cash. She loves counting it, folding it, ironing it, and even bathing in it. She loves spending it more though. She says that it's her payment for staying with me through everything.

So I take her to the Mall of America last night. She goes completely apeshit. Every fucking store. American Express loves me. Visa loves me.

Here's a secret - or maybe not. I hate shopping. Despise it. Personally, I think that because of who I am - people should just send me stuff gratis. I mean, I'm pretty much a white Oprah. What I wear, people buy. (Look at all the morons still wearing #4 jerseys from the Jets or Packers.) You want your product to take off? Give it to me. I'm serious.

Anyway - while Deanna was shopping, I hung out at Legoland. Fucking sweet.

Before you say it - I know. The shorts suck. Another penance I have to pay for dragging Deanna, as she puts it, "Through hell and back."

Again - Whatevs.